Other Jobs That Need Term Limits

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Term limits inspire much debate, but, as we ask ourselves whether certain elected positions ought only to be held for a predetermined number of years, we should also consider whether other careers could benefit from a hard out.

Man’s Best Friend: Dogs are the purest creatures in the universe, and they have been held down by men for too long. Let someone else carry the burden for once—like Komodo dragons. They have a lot of toxically masculine energy anyway.


My Girlfriends: I just don’t like breakups. Setting a firm relationship end date on Hinge before we even meet seems like a great way to save everyone from hurt feelings and to help me avoid ever growing up, committing, or taking responsibility for my actions.


Cuckoo Clocks: Give those birds a rest, honey! Not only do they never get a break, but they have to be wacky every hour on the hour. Talk about emotional labor!


My Hairdresser: No one should know ​all o​f my secrets ​forever​.


Parents: Mine say that they’re “disappointed,” but I think what they actually mean is that they’re just burnt out.


Tech C.E.O.s: What if they just stepped down at the end of four years, instead of waiting for a barrage of scandals and harassment charges? The status quo needs to be “disrupted,” to borrow a phrase, which I do hate myself for doing. Plus, get some new brains in there and our iPhones might have batteries that last longer than forty-five seconds.


British Royalty: Harry and Meghan had the right idea! Let’s keep doing that, just without all the ostracism and racism. Although that might defeat the whole purpose of royalty. . . .


New York City Mayors: Yes, they already have term limits, but we also need a plan in place to keep them occupied with harmless activities after they step down—too much idle time has proved disastrous.


The Supreme Court: This is actually a well-researched position, and the fate of the world might depend on it. Kind of like the cuckoo-clock thing.


The Pope: We saw how much great content we got out of having two popes. Imagine if we had a new Pope each year! “Twelve Angry Popes.” “Vatican’s 8.” “Three Popes and a Pope.” ​Popes should be like Santas—one in every mall, seasonally.


President of the United States: There are, of course, term limits for this, but I can’t help but feel that some people might need to be reminded.


God: It’s a well-known fact that the culture in any organization comes from the top down. And there’s no shortage of qualified demigods (Greta Thunberg, Laura Dern, Beyoncé, etc.) who could turn this whole universe around if they were just given a chance to lead.


Underwear: Rather than having to ask myself how many holes is too many holes, I’d prefer that new pairs came with a definitive expiration date.


Ginny Hogan, Chandler Dean

2020-07-04 07:00:00

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