August 18, 2022

Politics and Commentary News Aggregator

Expensive Journals You’ve Bought Over the Years: Where Are They Now?

3 min read

Gratitude Journal
Purchased in a bid to maintain a positive mental state after you ran into your ex at the bodega on your corner while wearing Crocs and a bathrobe (you were trying something out), this is currently used as a stand-in coaster for when you are too lazy to make the journey from your couch to your kitchen. You can now be grateful for never feeling bothered to get up again.


Unlined Moleskine
O.K., that was on you for not checking more thoroughly before bringing it home and realizing it was just a sea of blank pages, but they did work perfectly to patch up the leak in your bathroom wall! Now you don’t need to call that plumber who overheard you singing ABBA for two hours straight. You both win.


One of Those Thirty-Eight-Dollar Journals That Are Insanely Beautiful to Look At but Have About Ten Pages Total and Are So Delicate That They Could Tear at Any Moment
You bought this for yourself at some novelty gift shop, stunned by how each page felt like a piece of art. You held it in your hands and thought, Wow, there is no way anything I write in this will ever be bad. It is now wedged in the back of your bookcase for safekeeping, so you can never ruin it. It’s for its own good.


Grid-Paper Notebook
Who are you kidding? You’re not an architect! When were you ever going to use this? Where were you supposed to write with all those tiny boxes? Thankfully, you now have a sturdy new headrest to replace the one in your car that fell out last month.


Food Journal for That New Diet
The diet lasted barely a week. Turns out that juicing for every meal is legitimately a form of torture, and you were so hungry that you were closer to eating a piece of paper than actually writing on one. Now the journal can be found hidden in the depths of your freezer, right next to that month’s worth of Healthy Choice meals that you will also never touch.


Dream Journal
You kept this under your pillow at first to try to encourage yourself to record your dreams as often as possible. But writing down “that dream where I have a baking show with Kieran Culkin and there’s a lot of confusing sexual tension” for the ninth time in three weeks made you realize that there are some things about yourself you’d rather not know. Pretty good neck support, though; you’re still using it as a pillow.


Travel Journal
You wrote in it for two whole days while on a trip to Mexico City, then suddenly stopped when you fell in love with the man giving you directions to Xochimilco because he had “kind eyes.” The affair ended a mere five hours later, after you got too drunk and puked on him. The journal is now lying abandoned at your hostel, where it has an exciting second life being read and viciously mocked by inebriated Australian teen-agers.


Murder Journal
When those new neighbors moved in and you started keeping this by the window to track their every move, everyone thought you were crazy. But, come on, the dude wore a fedora inside, and they kept their blinds wide open. What were you supposed to do, not take meticulous notes on their comings and goings? Sure, maybe you’ve been watching too many true-crime shows and are constantly questioning your safety, but, to be fair, it was weird when they’d always be hauling those suspiciously bulky garbage bags. Someone needed to write that down! What if you were slowly solving a murder that, without your help, could haunt the local police chief for the next ten years? Sadly, this journal turned into a weapon of self-defense when the couple found out that you were spying on them. But at least you got some use out of it!

Julia Edelman, Sofia Warren
2022-05-05 14:00:00

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