The ‘Five R’s’ of raising resilient kids

If you want your kids to excel at a subject in school, you help them with their homework or hire a tutor. If you want them to be resilient, or able to recover from disappointment and handle stress, the path is less straightforward.

In her new book “The 5 Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans,” Aliza Pressman tries to make the journey to raising resilient kids a little less opaque. Pressman is a developmental psychologist and co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center.

“We try to cover the sky with a canopy to protect our kids from the hail and snow and rain and wind, instead of teaching them how to dress for the weather or when it’s okay to go outside,” Pressman says. 

Your kids are guaranteed to face hardship. Your job is not to protect them from it, but to show them how to work through it.

In her book, Pressman defines the “Five R’s” of raising resilient kids.

Strong relationships can help a child feel like they can handle adversity. Because, all kids will experience stress — and not all stress is bad. There are three types of stress Pressman addresses in her book:

• Positive stress: This can feel similar to excitement, like butterflies before the first day of school, and is good for development.
• Tolerable stress: This occurs when a child experiences something more severe like losing a loved one and can be managed better if they have at least one good relationship with a caretaker.
• Toxic stress: This is a strong response to prolonged adversity, such as seeing violence or experiencing persistent economic hardship. Toxic stress occurs in the absence of protective relationships. 

“Having one caregiver with whom you feel safe, secure and connected can move the category of stress from toxic to tolerable,” Pressman says. 

Most parents don’t have 20 minutes to meditate every morning. That’s OK, Pressman says. Find moments throughout your day to do micro-meditations. Reflecting helps you take an aerial…